so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
