we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
