Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
