After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize