i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
