you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
