Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
