If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
