oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
