also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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