Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
