Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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