How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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