A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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