So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I need to stop coming to work sober
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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