I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
