____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
