sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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