What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
