im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
