Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
