my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
