dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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