You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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