Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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