im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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