dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
