I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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