Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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