he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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