I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
