Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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