so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I enjoy the company of your penis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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