i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
