You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
