i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize