So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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