too bad you live with your parents still
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
