they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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