After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
