Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
