Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
