you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
