you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
