im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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