i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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