That's when you crack a 10am beer
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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