So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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