You really coming over, don't trick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
