fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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