I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
