Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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