Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
