Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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