If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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