my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
