If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
