is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
