What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize