We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
