my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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