I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
