At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
