I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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