Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
someone owes me an orgasm
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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