Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This baby is an asshole
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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